booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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