And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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