So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
