Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
