Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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