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I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
