I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
