Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Randomize
