I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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