yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
