I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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