ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
