I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Everclear isn't food dammit
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
