Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
