If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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