the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
