Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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