the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
