Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
