I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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