My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
