The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Dicks are not precious.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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