if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize
