If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
