i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
