you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
