Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
