dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
