so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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