How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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