tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
