i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
