This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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