Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
