he wants to bone in the snuggie
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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