checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
