No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize