why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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