Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
this just has baby written all over it
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
