pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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