she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
