Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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