Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
