Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
