Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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