I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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