Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
