News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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