The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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