Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
