That's when you crack a 10am beer
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
