i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I've blown a few things in my day
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
