Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize