dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
