It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
