We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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