I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
