She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
