Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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