Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
