Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
