Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
All I want is dick and wine.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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