My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
They took my balls.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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