I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
