she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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