I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
